disconnect

I disconnect without meaning to. Forced to separate. Build my own shelter beyond the city gates. Count seven days. If you watch me from the comfort of your brick and mortar. Electric miracles. I'll never know. I take precaution and cover my secrets with blankets. I hide my flesh.

An imagined figure taps against me from the inside. Looking for attention. Knocking as if at a neighbors front door. I'm not sure we're friends. Ideas expand with no outlet. Pushing against the limits of my skull. Over the counter medications have no effect. I beg but. Though I yell. I cannot hear my voice about the knocking.

I trace. Your face. The space you fill. I race. Against a nameless enemy. I chase the numbers on the screen and work towards a faster pace. I tell you to drive safely. Just in case. My words have power. 

2am

I want to live in darkness, wrapped in nighttime blankets. I want to know you only by touch. Recognize your face by the angles of its shadow.

I want to abandon sunlight. Leave it longing to lay out a lesson in suffocation. What happens when you ask too much.

I want to stop. Rethink. End the belief that light reveals the truth and. Darkness. Bears only dishonesty. I want to learn to trust blurred lines and wind tunnels. Fog and clouded skies.

I want to let myself bless. Ignore all the rest. Find peace in confusion and stop. Waiting for morning to make me feel safe.

I want to hold your hand a million times. Learn who you are each night in the darkness.

on authenticity

I'm going to delete my facebook account. The statuses offend me. The pictures leave me feeling ill. I watch the planned precision with which lives are lived to create the perfect post. Most of the time I see things I really didn't need to see.

I understand that want. That interest in being envied. Your life is perfect if you are able to have others perceive it as such. But I know these people so I know they're lying. 

Blogs are similar. We can weed through the wastefulness, the overflowing closets and end of the day pile that is everyone's dining room table. All to show you the single photo worth saving, the picture ready outfit and the decor that is certain to get your life back on track. But I know me so I'd know I was lying. 

Welcome to the authentic. Stay for a bit, won't you?